if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
