The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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