That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
