Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
