You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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