Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize