id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
