I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
