I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
