update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize