I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
