did you get engaged???
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
