Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
