i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bring money and cleavage
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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