I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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