I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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