oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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