that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
