Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
