My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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