nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize