if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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