ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
