she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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