Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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