Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
