I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
