sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
