I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
