I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
well you can't waste a boner
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
