I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
