I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
