Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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