we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
