You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
