drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
