the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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