Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
