you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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