Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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