So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize