I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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