he thought i was a dude.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
