No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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