i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
