i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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