he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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