In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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