I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
