Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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