I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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