i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
