just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
