she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was not drunk enough for that final.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
