They should really pass out barf bags in church
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found your dick twin last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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