You can't special order awesome
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize