I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
