I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am available for nakedness
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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