You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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