i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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