You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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