plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
