It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
