She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
