the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
