ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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