Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
