final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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