wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
