Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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