i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
