Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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