Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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